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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29042673">passion, yet peace</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Empathy_Supremacist/pseuds/Empathy_Supremacist'>Empathy_Supremacist</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>between black, grey, and white [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Betaed, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Jedi Master Kun, Jedi Master Winwin, Jedi Training (Star Wars), Light Angst, M/M, Padawan Shenanigans (Star Wars), Padawan Xiaojun, Padawan Yangyang, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Romantic Friendship, Self-Acceptance, Self-Esteem Issues</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:47:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,000</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29042673</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Empathy_Supremacist/pseuds/Empathy_Supremacist</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Being a Jedi was his greatest dream. Yangyang was so close to achieving it. Then everything fell apart.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Liu Yang Yang/Xiao De Jun | Xiao Jun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>between black, grey, and white [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2130690</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Challenge #4 — Awaken The World</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>passion, yet peace</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>First, I wanna say many thanks to all mods of A Little Wonder fest and also my beta reader.</p><p>Second, the title is from the lines of Jedi Code's original version. </p><p>Third, this fic sets over a decade after the Rise of Skywalker. Peace is back to the galaxy, a new Jedi Order has been built, etc. I modified the events after the movie based on my own ideas, and ofc it's not canon.</p><p>Fourth, there will be some incorrect lore of Star Wars. </p><p>Fifth, hope you enjoy my fic.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Every child naturally admired heroes. In Yangyang’s case, the heroes were Jedi. They were magnificent knights wielding shiny lightsabers. With knowledge and Force as their strength, they upheld peace and justice around the galaxy.</p><p>His father always whispered tales of Jedi before he drifted to the dream realm. How they clashed with Sith and Mandalorian. How they changed from each era. How they kept falling and finally emerging once again after Battle of Exegol. Building everything slowly from scratch, trying to reach the same golden age again in High Republic era.</p><p>Yangyang really wanted to meet one, really really wanted to. That wish was granted but with a cost. Right on his 8th birthday, his village was attacked by the remnant of First Order. When he fled with his mother and Stormtroopers cornered them, the one he had been waiting for arrived and saved them.</p><p>It felt like a dream come true. The action that he always imagined every time his father told him the stories now realized in front of his eyes. The slashes of lightsaber, the use of Force.</p><p>“We’re saved, Yangie. We’re saved,” his mother whispered, full of hope and rejoice.</p><p>As the last Stormtrooper fell, Yangyang decided that he would be a hero, too. A hero who brought peace and justice.</p><p>He would become a Jedi.</p><p> </p><p>⚔️</p><p> </p><p>Training as a Jedi youngling, in reality, not as fun as what he had thought. Not because it was hard to learn the basics in Shii-Cho. On the contrary, it’s way too easy for him to master it. That made his skill easily above the rest who were still struggling to learn. But despite the instructor acknowledging it, he still had to join the boring-as-hell lessons everyday until his friends could catch up.</p><p>And that’s just the first reason.</p><p>When the training moved to next level, Yangyang was so excited because finally he could have some fun and thrill in Velocities. But maybe he was slashing the saber too hard, then he was forced to undergo daily boring-as-hell meditation for the following practices.</p><p>Those sessions of meditation were the many and main reason why the training was dull. He was supposed to train like the others, not stuck meditating for the rest of the practice and only allowed so little time for his own practice.</p><p>“Don’t let your mind wander, youngling,”</p><p>He flinched at the sudden out of nowhere voice before straightening his back again, “Yes, Master,”</p><p>“You sit there. Do the same meditation pose as him,”</p><p>Yangyang's eyebrow raised. Seemed that he was not the only problematic youngling here.</p><p>He let curiosity drive his eyes open to peek at the person.</p><p>
  <em>Sharp eyes, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sharp brows, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sharp jaw,</em>
</p><p>He was the real manifestation of intimidating.</p><p>Yet mysteriously enthralling for him.</p><p>“Yangyang,”</p><p>He shut his eyes close, back at his not-so meditation again, “Sorry, Master,”</p><p> </p><p>⚔️</p><p> </p><p>There were a lot of younglings, more than people living in his little village, so it was normal if he didn’t realize the mysterious boy joined the training from the beginning.</p><p>Well, actually he had a name and it was Xiaojun, after he asked the instructor when they happened to be at the same table in the refectory.</p><p>Ever since that fateful day, he always kept an eye on him and at the same time tried not to be too obvious, or he would be caught in shame.</p><p>Xiaojun.</p><p>His cold and quiet nature made no one dare to befriend him, much less talk to him. Some even gossiped behind his back about his potential to be a Dark Side user.</p><p>Yangyang wouldn’t lie that he felt utterly annoyed at their attitude. You weren’t supposed to judge someone what they looked like, let alone accuse them of being<br/>
someone as terrible as the Sith. That was really rude.</p><p>Soon both of them were picked by Jedi Council's member Kun as apprentices. His decision surely ignited controversy among the Council itself. <em>Why did he pick not just one, but two most troubled younglings as his Padawans?</em></p><p>But despite the heated arguments, Kun somehow was still allowed to train them and as time passed, no one questioned it or brought it up again.</p><p> </p><p>⚔️</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang shakily inhaled and exhaled.</p><p>No, he wasn’t even nervous right now.</p><p>He was thrilled, exhilarated.</p><p>After many years honing their skill in the arts of lightsaber, they would do something contentious, controversial. Something that would make all residents of Jedi Temple aghast. </p><p>“Get ready,” Xiaojun commanded, hawk-like eyes never leaving the metal door in front of them.</p><p>Yangyang unsheathed his lightsaber in response. His lips stretched wider, surpassing a smile.</p><p>“We won’t hold back this time,”</p><p>His grin widened, almost feral, “Yeah,”</p><p>As the door of sparring arena slid open, they stormed inside.</p><p>Warm green light greeted them from the other side.</p><p> </p><p>⚔️</p><p> </p><p>The fight was fast and blurry, like inside of hyperspace tunnel.</p><p>Yangyang now swung his lightsaber in 360-degree rotation from left to right, vice versa, over and over. Intimidating Kun to take steps back as he approached. His rotating movement then rapidly changed into strikes, hard and unpredictable, weakening Kun’s Soresu defense.</p><p>He felt euphoric, lively. He wanted this feeling last forever.</p><p>Xiaojun decided to join in again, aiming for the lower part of Kun this time with random slashes, harder and far more powerful than Yangyang's.</p><p>Yangyang felt stronger when they fought together, felt their minds link to each other as they attacked in turns, felt the Force course between them in greater amounts than when they fought individually.</p><p>Their combined attack continued for some time before their opponent reached a stalemate.</p><p>Kun quickly raised his hands up in defeat, signaling the end of their fight.</p><p>There was a pregnant silence before their Master sheathed his lightsaber, “I must say that both of you always surprise me,” he snorted, smiling proudly at his apprentices, “This Form is the hardest to master. Yet you two are able to perform it without any flaw in just a week,"</p><p>Yangyang beamed, "Thanks, Master," His smile then turned into grimace when his Master knocked his head with the lightsaber's body, "Ouch!"</p><p>"I told you a hundred times, Yangyang. Don’t enjoy the fight,"</p><p>"You, too, Xiaojun," the older turned to said person, "Don't fight like you want to destroy your enemy,"</p><p>Yangyang rolled his eyes, he was sure Xiaojun was doing the same. Here we go again. Master Kun's usual scolding and preaching. The worse part? They had to listen until the end.</p><p>“I, reluctantly, allow you to learn Form VII because it’s the only Form that is suitable for your fighting style. It’s not easy getting approval from the Council. Use it wisely,"</p><p>“Yes, Master,”</p><p>"Different situations require different Forms. Don't only rely on the Form that you favor,"</p><p>"Yes, Master,"</p><p>"I hope you don't forget about the Code,"</p><p>Yangyang sighed, his desire to run away from the room stonked, "There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge," he elbowed Xiaojun to continue his citing, which rewarded him with annoyed glare and low hiss, "There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is Force,"</p><p>Kun nodded, satisfied, “Good. Remember, be <em>very</em> careful with the Dark Side and don't dare dwell on it,”</p><p>"Alright, Master,"</p><p>“You may rest now,”</p><p> </p><p>⚔️</p><p> </p><p>Xiaojun gulped his water furiously.</p><p>"But Mace Windu used the Dark Side, too. And he's still a good Jedi. I can’t with Master Kun always judging us like we’re close at falling to the Dark Side. At least we know our boundaries and never cross it," Yangyang hummed in agreement at his complaints while still munching on his sandwich. Lucky that they were at the hidden garden a bit far from the temple. He couldn't imagine if someone heard their conversation and reported it to their Master. </p><p>"The Form that we learned also created by Mace Windu, right?”</p><p>Xiaojun shook his head, “He's not creating Form VII. He actually made the safer alternative, Vaapad. That's what we learned. While the original Form VII is called Juyo,”</p><p>"Juyo?"</p><p>"Forbidden by Jedi, only used by Sith,"</p><p>Yangyang waited some minutes before breaking the silence, "Do you think that Sith still exists now?" </p><p>"If some Jedi can survive the Great Jedi Purge, of course Sith can, too. Even before the Clone Wars, the Jedi believed that Sith had been extinct. You know the rest, right?"</p><p>Yangyang hummed in agreement. What he liked the most about Xiaojun was his vast knowledge of Jedi history, reminding him of the good old times with his father's storytelling; it always made him giddy.</p><p>“Hey,”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You must be monologuing about me again,”</p><p>“No, why would I do that,”</p><p>Xiaojun only wore a smug smirk before drinking his water again, which made Yangyang itch to slap it away.</p><p>Xiaojun was not like what he and the other kids thought back then. He actually smiled, laughed, and joked, too. But he would only show that side to someone he deemed close to him. In this case, Yangyang and Master Kun. Besides them, he would show his resentful and uncaring mask.</p><p>"Tomorrow there's no training. What are you gonna do?"</p><p>“Maybe wandering around the temple or reading some archives in the library. And you?"</p><p>"It's secret," Yangyang winked and bit the sandwich again. He then huffed when the other kept his annoyed gaze locked to him.</p><p>"Stop looking at me!"</p><p> </p><p>⚔️</p><p> </p><p>One thing Yangyang hid from his Master and fellow Padawan was the current lightsaber he used wasn’t even his.</p><p>When the training with Master Kun would start the next day and Yangyang didn't finish his lightsaber yet, desperate times called for desperate measures. He snuck on the ruins located not far from the temple and took an abandoned lightsaber there.</p><p>So far nobody noticed it, but who knew the future. That was why he secretly built his own lightsaber inside the ruins tonight, where no eyes could catch his doing.</p><p>The components all there. Yangyang recalled the teaching. '<em>Now use the Force to assemble it.'</em></p><p>Yangyang directed his palms to the components, letting the Force, strong but calm, flow through him to craft his lightsaber.</p><p>He couldn't wait for it, the gradation of blue that he used-</p><p>Only to witness a color he never saw in Jedi Temple.</p><p>
  <em>Red.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Blood <strong>red</strong>.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sinister <strong>red</strong>.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>RED.</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>RED.</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>RED.</em> </strong>
</p><p>No-</p><p>Nononono-</p><p>NO NO-</p><p>NOOOOOO-</p><p> </p><p>⚔️</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang ran with all of his might. Fear, shock, disappointment all bubbling inside him, ready to burst anytime.</p><p>It's impossible!</p><p>It should be blue or green or yellow!</p><p>Why did it have to be red of all of things?!</p><p>He messed up.</p><p>He freaking messed up!</p><p>Yangyang stopped running, a wave of nausea engulfed him.</p><p>The thought of him wearing dark robes, slaying many Jedi down, choking people to death-</p><p>He gagged.</p><p> </p><p>⚔️</p><p> </p><p>He felt his consciousness back when his body was rocked gently.</p><p>"Hey, you okay?"</p><p>Yangyang groaned as he sat upright, mentally cursing the pounding headache and the cold floor of training ground. </p><p>"Ah, Master Winwin,"</p><p>"Why are you sleeping here, Yangyang?"</p><p>Everything from last night came back to his mind in a flash.</p><p>Assembling his lightsaber, red color, running away, exhausted.</p><p>"Yangyang?"</p><p>"I-I must be asleep from exhaustion,"</p><p>He froze, dread creeping in his body, as he touched something cold hanging on his waist.</p><p>Impossible, he had dropped it in the ruins last night.</p><p>The older snorted, "Now go back to your room. You need to rest in a more comfortable place,"</p><p>Yangyang awkwardly nodded.</p><p>"Thanks, Master Winwin,"</p><p>Winwin gave his last warm smile before he walked away.</p><p> </p><p>⚔️</p><p> </p><p>What should he do now?</p><p>He couldn't bear to meet Xiaojun. Let alone Master Kun.</p><p>He felt tainted, impure, filthy.</p><p>He felt he didn't deserve to be here.</p><p>A hand pulled him from behind.</p><p>Yangyang saw the door closed before his body hauled down to the floor. He tried to stand up when the lightsaber's hilt pointed one meter from him.</p><p>"Wha-"</p><p>His eyes traveled up. It's Xiaojun, eyes cold and intimidating. His breath hitched.</p><p>Did Xiaojun know-</p><p>The blade unsheathed.</p><p>Yangyang astounded.</p><p>It's purple!</p><p>So, the lightsaber he saw in their training-</p><p>"You know what purple means?"</p><p>Fear and shock prevented him from being able to answer.</p><p>"Both Light and Dark Side," he continued, lowering his real lightsaber and turning it off.</p><p>"Like Mace Windu," Yangyang mumbled. Everything clicked in his mind right now. Why Xiaojun sometimes would mention Mace Windu, balance, the use of both Dark and Light Side, "Why didn't you use your own?"</p><p>"The same reason as you,"</p><p>"So you already know,"</p><p>"I followed you,"</p><p>"Hey, privacy,"</p><p>“You were acting suspicious, I had to,"</p><p>His vexation faded away, remembering his fearful experience last night, "But still, you're better than me," his voice cracked, hot tears filling his eyes, "I don't know what to do anymore,"</p><p>"Yangyang,"</p><p>Yangyang couldn't hold back his sobs. He always wanted to be a hero, to be a Jedi. But now everything crumbled apart.</p><p>He didn’t deserve to be a Jedi.</p><p>"It's the kyber crystal, Yangyang," Xiaojun reasoned, “This kind of kyber crystal is different from the one used before, they reflect on someone’s true self. Red means so much more than fear, hatred, anger,”</p><p>"But why no one have the same color as me?!" Xiaojun didn’t respond, confirming his fear, "A Jedi isn't supposed to have red lightsaber! Because that belongs to Sith!"</p><p>"Yangyang, look at me,"</p><p>“Are you a Sith?”</p><p>Yangyang gulped the lump on his throat, “I don’t know,”</p><p>"Sith are people that fall to the Dark Side. You have red lightsaber, but did you succumb to the Dark Side? No,"</p><p>"But they won't accept me here after they find out I have one. I'll be banish-"</p><p>"Then so be it," Xiaojun cut in, cruel and venomous.</p><p>The silence was tense before Xiaojun spoke again.</p><p>"And I'll go with you,"</p><p>Yangyang looked up at him in disbelief, "Why?!"</p><p>"Because I don't want you to be alone,"</p><p>"Because we are not so different,"</p><p>"Since the day we met each other, I feel like we are similar in certain ways. I feel like I finally met the right person that understand me more than anyone,"</p><p>"We're standing in the thin line between Light Side and Dark Side, but we don't let the Dark Side corrupt us or Light Side dictate us,"</p><p>"We're not good enough to be a Jedi. We're also not evil enough to be a Sith,"</p><p>Xiaojun kneeled, gaze softened, loving and gentle.</p><p>"We don't have to choose one of them,"</p><p>"We should be ourselves,"</p><p>Yangyang crushed him with a tight hug and cried. He didn't know why he was still crying in the end. Maybe he was touched by Xiaojun's words, maybe he's overjoyed by Xiaojun's sincere love for him.</p><p> </p><p>⚔️</p><p> </p><p>It still felt like yesterday, the moment they knew each other's secret. Surreal if Yangyang could add. Things went back to normal, but he still felt nervous that someone would find out sooner than he thought.</p><p>Yangyang snuggled closer to Xiaojun, relishing in his warmth, "I'm thinking of dropping out,"</p><p>"Are you fine with that? Isn't being Jedi your dream?"</p><p>"Yeah, but I can't do anything to convince the Council. Better leaving by myself rather than kicked out,"</p><p>"We need to prepare things. Like money, ship, destination,"</p><p>Yangyang raised his head, beaming, "Let's go to Tatooine,"</p><p>"No,"</p><p>"What about Jakku?"</p><p>"What is it with you and your obsession with the desert? It's hot there. No food, no water, and <em>sands</em>," Xiaojun grumbled, giving nasty look before his features softened, "Let's just go to the opposite of desert,"</p><p>"Ocean?"</p><p>"No,"</p><p>Yangyang groaned as he realized what Xiaojun meant, "I hate jungle. Too many insects and gross creatures there,"</p><p>“It’s forest, not jungle!”</p><p> </p><p>⚔️</p><p> </p><p>"Xiaojun, Yangyang. It's training time,"</p><p>Kun sighed, deciding to open the door, "I hope you're not pranking me,"</p><p>He went inside, only to find out no one there.</p><p>Kun noticed a letter on top of the desk. He quickly took it.</p><p>The more he read, the more evident the shock on his face.</p><p>He looked at the window and saw a ship flying away.</p><p> </p><p>⚔️</p><p> </p><p>“Stop sulking. It’s been a year. We’ll go to your favorite jungle after we get enough money to buy new ship,”</p><p>Xiaojun clicked his tongue, "It's forest, not jungle,"</p><p>Yangyang giggled before pressing his chest to his back, draped his arms around his neck, careful not to make the speeder bike they were on wobbly, "Hey, Xiaojun,"</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"I think I know what my red means. It's passion,”</p><p>“And what is your passion about?”</p><p>“I don’t know. Passion can mean a lot of things, right?”</p><p>They heard an engine sound approaching.</p><p>The miner syndicate that terrorized nearby town.</p><p>"Finally," Xiaojun started the speeder bike.</p><p>Yangyang held his blaster up, grinning, “Let's go,"</p><p>There were many ways to be a hero after all.</p><p>Besides that, they could get rewards in the form of money and food from the people they saved, or bounties from their target.</p><p>Everything seemed better now.</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>⚔️</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p>Winwin glanced at the guards before they allowed him to go inside.</p><p>The room was bright from white pristine marbles. All except the center part, a black marble bathtub. There, whose body submerged in the water, was a young man enjoying himself. Sensing someone's arrival, his eyes fluttered open, revealing gold orbs.</p><p>"Well, if it isn't Jedi Master Winwin,"</p><p>Winwin exhaled, "Don't call me by my Jedi name," he chided, hands taking off his brown robe.</p><p>"Well, pardon me, Darth Sicheng,"</p><p>As the robe dropped, so did his gentle and calm demeanor. Replaced with an arrogant and cold one, "Remember the boy I told you before? The one with red lightsaber?" he tilted his head to the side.</p><p>"He quit the Order,"</p><p>The young man sat up, dark excitement swirled in those eyes, "Really?" his lips quirked into sly grin, "I can't wait to meet him,"</p><p>"Soon, Prince Hendery. Soon,"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Inspirations :<br/>- Mace Windu<br/>- Star Wars prequel, original, and sequel trilogies<br/>- WayV Take Over the Moon era &amp; Moonwalk MV</p><p>Things that original from me are :<br/>- events after the Rise of Skywalker<br/>- new kind of kyber crystal that can manifest other colors besides green, blue, and yellow for some unique person</p><p>I have been a fan of Star Wars since I was a child and writing a Star Wars AU really excites me. (except reading tons of Wookiepedia articles for reference ಥ_ಥ ) </p><p>I also had read a lot of Star Wars AU in K-Pop fandom, the one that focused on the Force user, and it makes me want to make one with a different, fresh concept : A (former) Jedi that uses both Light and Dark Side in balance. </p><p>Here, Xiaojun and Yangyang tend to be aggressive (Yangyang even enjoys fighting), something that's actually forbidden for Jedi because it's related to Dark Side. But despite Kun's fear, they actually know the limits and boundaries, they know when to use their aggressiveness and conscious enough to control it.     </p><p>While most Star Wars fans don't really like Rey and Ben Solo/Kylo Ren, I find them interesting because if you watch the sequel trilogies, you can see that they both struggle with Light Side and Dark Side. Rey, the one in Light Side, struggled with Dark Side's temptations and have her own dark moments. While Kylo Ren, the one in Dark Side, struggled to erase the good in him and avoiding the temptation of Light Side. In the end, they accept both Sides and become stronger. </p><p>Star Wars have always been black and white, good and evil, Sith and Jedi. But in reality, we can't see everything in the world, in person, from just a black and white perspective. </p><p>Well, that's all. If you are confused, don't be shy to ask in the comment section or my <a href="https://curiouscat.qa/inatrovert">CuriousCat</a></p><p>Thanks for reading. ^^</p></blockquote></div></div>
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